Engrossing!

This week, Rayhaan didn't send in his Flipside, but I anticipated that, and that's why I'm treating you to one of my stories. It's dipped, fried and baked in irony and the unexpected, so it might not be what you expect (duh). Below are two versions of it, one in present tense, one in past. I couldn't decide what was better so I chucked em both here. Enjoy! Remember to share and +1!

Past Tense

Engrossing

Where were brakes when you need them? He could hear the screams of his friends on his boat. Thud. Thud. The choppy water was making the boat jump. As he looks up from the controls he sees it coming. His eyes close. The screams and sight melt away into blackness.

He opened his eyes. The quietness of the hospital enveloped him. Next to him was a doctor typing into a machine. He had tubes connected to him. No pain. The doctor looked at him, acknowledging his consciousness with a smile. His sight and hearing melted away into grey oblivion again.

The curves of the racetrack wove away in front of him, but he would never corner them. The wheel exploding behind him was only a soft thud to him. His senses had already stopped working. The car lifted over the ground. Was it slow motion? He sees the world revolve around him, turning upside down and back again. The car was flipping over, flying into space. He saw the other car coming. The saw the black piece of rubber accelerate away from the exploding wheel. He saw it going forward in time as it was about to hit the other drivers helmet. He closed his eyes. Orange. Heat. Black.

“You come up here and finish your homework right now!”

I groaned and paused the film. The voice of my mother ripped me out of away from the engrossing film and back to reality.

Present Tense

Engrossing

Where are the brakes when you need them? He can hear the screams of his friends on his boat. Thud. Thud. The choppy water makes the boat jump. As he looks up from the controls he sees it coming. His eyes close. The screams and sight melt away into blackness.

He opens his eyes. The quietness of the hospital envelopes him. Next to him, a doctor types into a machine. He has tubes connected to him. No pain. The doctor looks at him, acknowledging his consciousness with a smile. His sight and hearing melts away into grey oblivion again.

The curves of the racetrack wind away in front of him, but he would never corner them. The wheel exploding behind him was only a soft thud to him. His senses had already stopped working. The car lifts. Was it slow motion? He sees the world revolve around him, turning upside down and back again. The car was flipping over, flying into space. He sees the other car coming. He sees the black piece of rubber accelerate away from the exploding wheel. He sees it going forward in time as it is about to hit the other driver’s helmet. He closes his eyes. Orange. Heat. Black.

“You come up here and finish your homework right now!”

I groaned and paused the film. The voice of my mother ripped me out of away from the engrossing film and back to reality.

I have another one for another time. Or I made start mass producing them and churn out one every week, now that I can write it on my phone!